Springing into 2020 – Thoughts on Depression and Living

My seasoned threadbare gardening jeans and my new waterproof gardening shoes

I am thrilled to be back at this time of year when the energy of the season is all about the potency of winter cycling into the transformation of spring.  This is the time in which the plants are nearly ready to burst out of their sleepy dormancy to take a chance on fulfilling the potential of their ancestral lifeways.

Budding giant sunflower in her pre-bloom greenery

I am grateful for this energy as we face the fact that we live in a culture that appears to be collapsing upon itself because it is built upon ways of living that are not in harmony with the environment that sustains us. Things are quite frankly deathly absurd and most of us know this. But this winter to spring energy of birth from death always makes me very excited and hopeful.

Baby Broccoli

I was bordering on depression today. I had to fight the urge to recluse and push myself to get out into the garden to explore the vast life that I am privileged to tend there. I want to say depression runs in my family, and it does, but I think it actually runs in all our families because we are not living how we are supposed to as humans. Instead we are constantly being bombarded with traumatizing personal, family, cultural and global atrocities that make us feel powerless — rather than living in joyful harmony with the environment that sustains us, in empathetic community with one another and the animals and other creatures that exist here with us, and expressing our unique selves creatively in service to our own souls and our species.

Early sweet pea

This was sparked as I spoke to my best friend today, a strong mother, nurse, and cancer survivor who had to make another unexpected trajectory in her lifeway that felt exhausting. She wanted to retire but she can’t even do that after a life of very hard work and in being in service to others. She was tired of fighting but her attitude was good. It reminded me of the plants in my garden at this time of year who fight the seductive winter energy to stay asleep but rather make the jarring decision to get up and avail themselves to that fiery chaotic spring tide of energy that ensures growth and continuation. What I have learned as an amateur gardener is that very few of the seeds I solemnly and lovingly plant make the decision to get up and move toward growth. Most don’t answer the spring call to leave their shells to bud and blossom, and choose not to awake when the season calls.

Look at at that early spring pea!

Think about the word depression — it doesn’t mean to die, it means to be thwarted, to be pushed down — still existing but unable to sprout in alignment with the natural cycles of nature. It would be as if I planted a seed and then put a brick on it so it could not flower. After speaking with my friend today, I realized that I have been more depressed that I even have let on. So my prayer for myself is to answer that uncomfortable call to wake up as the seasons change and make sure I am in alignment as best I can with the environment that sustains me no matter how much I want to hit the snooze button. This is my prayer for all who want to answer the call of the spring season.

Adam always helps with his innate love of ball

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